You Would Have Free Reign Tonight

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It’s so bittersweet to think of all the things that we had planned for you. Like tonight, the Saturday after you should have had your sutures out you would have had free reign to sleep where you wished. I looked down at the now empty space beside the bed and was so sad all over again because of what should have been… It’s not fair that you’re gone, we loved you so much our hearts break all over again with thoughts of you. Your dad said it was like a knife in the gut one moment everything is okay and the next a memory or thought of you makes us drown all over again.┬áLike earlier today… the first sunny day and we went in the pool with your Fred. We talked about how much you’d have loved it too, knowing how excited you were just being able to run around free in the backyard. The pool would have been a new world for you and a brand new experience we could have shared with you. The day was so warm… 79 degrees but it was dulled and didn’t feel as warm because I was sad and missing you… again so many things that should have been making me get pulled down beneath the waves only to come back up gasping for a breath. We all miss you so much, it’s not just me though most days I write about my sadness… your Dad and your Fred are both sad too. We miss you Bubby Girl… so very much.


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