We got another unexpected call today at 3:50pm from Bill at Pet Angel that we could come get our Betty Girl… We didn’t think it would be so soon. We were told they were very busy, which meant sadly many other people also lost their beloved little souls too. That same sense of frantic panic struck me when Bill told me they were closing at 4:00 but they’d be open again tomorrow at 1:00pm and we could come get her then… I asked if we could just come now, we’d be there right away. I was crying, and that same desperate feeling hit me again, I had to get Betty and bring her home right now, right then. Bill is so kind, just like when he took her into his care after hours for me on that rainy, awful Wednesday… and he said, “Yes, of course, come now.”
Again we rushed out of the house, it’s what we seem to be doing all the time now… everything feels like it needs to be done immediately. Like earlier this morning about 10:30, I thought about Monday, my first day back at work, and how when I go in I’ll see Betty’s little red crate and cuddle bed and all her toys I had for her from when I would take her to work with me and I had a panic attack. I was suddenly dreading going to work and walking into the office and seeing it there and knowing I would have to take it all a part by myself and pack it up into the car, it would take a couple trips for me in and out of the office to get it all and it would be in my trunk all day. I had so much stuff for Bubby Girl at my office. She was totally outfitted for her office days with me. I looked at my husband and in a panic told him my fears and then we were off, down to the beach.
On the way we stopped at the post office, so many things have been put off and needed to be done. Then while we were standing in line, I turned looking around and in the card rack was this card… I’d seen it before. I’d actually bought it about a month ago. It’s called “Puppy Butt” and there it was, just one of them in the card rack. It choked me up and Si too, we had been talking about things like this, seeing little signs that would remind us of our Betty Girl and there it was, at the post office… I quickly grabbed it and when I paid for it, it came up as ‘Black and White Puppy’ …Really? I mean it’s like a sucker punch but for a moment it felt like my Bubby Girl was saying… I’m here… I’m always right here. Do you see me…? And in my heart I see my Bubby Girl everywhere…
So we got to my office and since it’s the weekend, only one of my co-workers was there, and I am thankful it was only him. Si gathered up all of Betty’s things and put them in the car. I was on the verge of breaking down again and said my goodbyes and out the door we went just as fast as we arrived and we were back home again…
Now at 3:50 it was that same frantic feeling, the immediacy that we had to go get her right then that struck me and there we were in the car, driving the 10 minutes to get our Betty Girl. All I was repeating in my head and out loud was the same thing I thought when we rushed to the vets on Wednesday… I’m coming Bubby Girl, Mom’s coming… But this time I was saying… We’re coming to take you home Bubby Girl… I don’t know what I thought I would see when we walked in, but Bill had her ashes in a cherry box and another white box on top of it filled with tufts of her pretty white and black fur and a perfect paw print in a white clay heart and then I broke down all over again with the realization that my little, baby Bubby Girl was coming home in a tiny cherry box.
It shouldn’t be happening like this… and I feel so cheated by the reality that’s suddenly come to be. Why her? I just don’t understand how this happened… she was so full of life that her not being here seems like an affront to life itself. Our world is so much dimmer with the loss of Our Betty Girl. But today was all about bringing our Betty Girl home again.
We had asked Bill to try and get ink imprints of all of her paws and he said he’d do his best. Bill is a perfectionist, and he got them for us… I scanned them right into my computer… I have plans for them and so does Si. These perfect little feet brought the most beautiful and beloved little soul into our lives… and they will be with us forever.
We have her home… and it’s broken my heart all over again but she’s back where she needs to be, with us… at home with her family.
